Back 2 School

After moving in my stuff and settling down to classes, I must post something witty and disparaging. Now that I have the exorbitant privilege of a refrigerator and no mandated meal plan, this means no more awkward wasted time at the dining hall and 1 hour plus food binges. Speaking of awkward, I managed to get 2 photos with our great President Joseph Aoun:



Con$idering that I am looking for co-op and have several new commitments this semester, I had to engineer a new diet and schedule worthy of the Mayans and their calendar.

The Joy of Rice
Sweet, white grains of jasmine rice! A rice cooker is a godsend to college students and can even be your only cooking utility, although I also bought a combo pan-pot thing from Amazon just in case.

When the rice begins to form and solidify, you can throw in your meat or "sides" as said in Cantonese to steam-pressure cook. This can include, for example, sausages and Chinese sausages. Best of all, you can save valuable time and eat pre-cooked rice! A miracle!

The ceremonial first rice of the semester. I am proud to eat this nutritious staple of my ancestors eaten even in the Qin dynasty.

My college convenience food pyramid

So far, I have infallibly eaten rice at every meal with a side, which makes me feel less tired than eating bread for some reason. You can even pair it with a two-serving Boloco bowl. I thought I reached new lows when I ate Boloco rice with rice, but talk about economical!

Let's do some sophisticated, high-level accounting. $1620/110 = $14.73 per meal swipe. Boloco bowl = $9.82. NO THANK YOU MEAL PLAN

Saying that the meal plan is not highway robbery is like saying fast food doesn't cause obesity.

Ready for the next nuclear attack

How about some tuna tartare? IS CANNED TUNA

I wonder if I will eat so much canned tuna, get mercury poisoning, and become a thermometer.

Incredibly Funny Professors
I had the amazing luck of getting a gaggle of funny professors this semester. Being tired increases the delirium and makes their jokes 2x funnier, and when I want to sleep in class (don't judge me, I study a lot outside of class anyways), I somehow start cracking up at their incredibly cheesy jokes.

For example, my mid-level accounting professor asked on the first day to ease the tension (but ended up creating more), "How do accountants get paid?" Student: "By providing a service." Professor: "Yes, that's right, just like a doctor. He tells you to pull down your pants, sticks a shot up your butt, and gets paid." (NO JOKE)

Now, my management information systems teacher is a true comedian, and the Boston accent helps. When he was concerned that the unusual two-tiered class schedule would mess with his SoulCycling class, he said, "I want to weigh as much as I did when I first started: 8 pounds, 9 ounces."

If my mouth could send text messages and emojis, LOL chat bubbles and Pusheens would be flooding out.