The Angsty College Student's Guide to LinkedIn Registration

The 6 emotions you're supposed to get when using LinkedIn. 6 is also indicative of 666, aka the Devil.

Like vegetables or dentist appointments, LinkedIn is one of those things certain people need to have but do not necessarily want. It has about as many useful or interesting functions as a toaster does for banana bread (getting a job), and this is coming from a business student who's supposed to love it! However, I am not a LinkedIn expert.

It fills the role as the annoying middleman like the troll living under the bridge. Then again, I'm only so cynical now because I see opening and maintaining an account as a chore. Clearly, LinkedIn is not as sexy as Snapchat or even Facebook, but it can be very useful for pre-professionals after some major caveats.

Enter and give your data to "the man." You've already created so many mandatory accounts that your data is like an Internet Horcrux now. I skipped almost everything after because you can backtrack and fill it in when you're not on the spot and understand the beast better.

Turn Off All Emails
This is important if you don't want the displeasure of receiving over 9000 emails. Luckily, I don't get harassed and especially not by people whom I want to harass me like 50 Shades of Grey. I turned all the emails off before even receiving one as I did not want the deluge from Noah's Ark. Go to Profile->Privacy & Settings->Communications for most of the toggles.

LinkedIn Premium
I'm sure that there is nothing else that college students would rather spend $30 a month on. Don't get it unless you need it, which implies that you are already high in the professional pecking order.

Max Privacy Settings
I'm a human, not a lab monkey, so I don't want to participate in your research. Go to Profile->Privacy & Settings and turn off everything you can/want to.

Stalking Mode
Source: Buzzfeed 

Something that is both creepy and a turn-on is that you can see who viewed your profile and others can see when you viewed theirs. To go incognito like Carmen Sandiego and avoid awkward relationships, you can disable this feature briefly for the period of stalking and turn it back on after you are done to receive profile stats again. Go to Profile->Privacy & Settings->"Select what others see when you've viewed their profile" and chose among the bottom 2 options. Honestly, LinkedIn is not fun to stalk because you only see clean-cut versions unless you want the juicy details of someone's GPA. Don't forget to turn it back to "Your name and headline" if you want stats again!

These are quick "pro" tips (lol) for getting set up, after which you are free to explore the professional jungle where dreams are made of. When you're done working on your profile, consider putting LinkedIn in your bookmarks and downloading the app.